Doing better

Logan has been holding steady through the weekend. He is back to playing and does not seem sick. It is strange that we can end up in the ER with no prior warning and he recover so quickly. But, I am very grateful for it, and am happy seeing him run around. He is doing really well. We will go in tomorrow to check his blood counts to see if they are good enough for the next dose of chemo on Tuesday.

How am I doing? Well, I am up and down. This has been a hard week. Being back at work is hard for me. I am struggling with the guilt of not being home all the time for Logan. It's not that I don't know he is in good hands and having fun. I do. I would be having a hard time even if it was Eric staying home with him while I am at work, or grandparents. So, I am trying to let that go, but it is hard. I have not been sleeping very well, and even less so with the trip to the ER. Logan being sick and not feeling well added to it all. When he was tired and feeling lousy on Friday, he was even asking for chemo. Is there anything sadder than a little boy asking for chemo because he thinks it will make him feel better? We keep telling him that he has to get chemo to fight the bad guys in his blood and make him feel better. I could not believe he was actually asking to go to the doctor's office for a dose. So sad, and the pitiful voice he used was heartbreaking. My house is in disarray due to a large DIY project that was started before Logan's diagnosis. My bedroom is now in the dining room. And while I know this is temporary, I am struggling with it. It makes it more difficult to keep things ordered and clean which is stressing me out. And Logan's birthday is this week, and I realized that I really have done no prep work for his party. We are keeping it small, but I still need to be ready. OK, enough of the pity party. I have dumped it all out, and am going to try and let it go. Thanks to Jen and Candice for giving me a really nice break last night, I had a great time with you two.

Thanks to Julie for providing dinner for our family on Tuesday, and Brenda for providing dinner for our family on Friday. Thanks to Candice for watching Alexis on Thursday night when we took Logan to the ER.