Trial run

Today I am working. It is not officially back to school time for me until next week, but I am on a committee that is meeting for a few days this week. It is a good test for both me and Logan. I dropped him off at the home day care with Alexis, and he was pretty happy. He was a little clingy, but no crying on either of our parts. Usually when I work, I put my phone on silent. I think those days are in the past. I think it will be good for him to be around friends and get back into a normal routine. But it is still hard to let go. I think this summer together has been good for both of us (maybe mostly for me). Kind of like when he was in the hospital that first week and I was so relieved that he wanted me to sleep in the bed with him. OK, wish me luck!

More energetic

Logan is starting to eat a little more, and therefore have more energy. He even ate three whole chicken nuggets and some chips for lunch today along with drinking his milk. This was after actually eating some cereal and milk for breakfast. Doing much better on that front which is leading to more energy. We have continued to venture out in public since his numbers look good. And while he enjoys it, I end up carrying him around the whole time which is a little exhausting for me. But it is a little hard to say no when he stands right in front of me, gives me that charming smile and asks "You carry me, please?"

Thanks to Amber for bringing dinner on Friday. Thanks to Carol for taking Alexis for some fun a couple of days this week, and also for just sitting and talking. Thanks to Pam for bringing us some Love Hope Strength bracelets for those days that we need a little extra support. Here is a link to Love Hope Strength if you want to know more about this great organization, and a link to Pam's fundraising site through the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training with some information about her own story of cancer impacting her family.

Chemo day

Logan had his third consecutive lumbar puncture (spinal tap) to put chemo in his spinal fluid today. This is three weeks in a row, but now he does not have another of these for about 6 weeks. Since he did not have any headaches last week, they gave him IV fluids and had him stay flat for an hour again today. They did blood work too today, and things are still looking good. His ANC is lower, but still in a good range at 1600. That number has been all over the place zigzagging way up and down over the past month, but apparently that is normal. We then went to get his hair cut since it was getting a little shaggy around the back and sides. I did notice that it made some of the thinner spots a little more prominent, but not bad.

We also officially met a new friend at the clinic today: Delaney. Stacey, your comment did not show up on any of the blog posts (it can be temperamental if you do not have a gmail account, and even if you do), so I do not have your email.  I truly hope you don't feel like I was trying to get away from you today, I just felt guilty keeping you from Delaney and the doctor this morning. I would love to talk to another mom who is going through the same thing.

Here is a video of Logan last night attacking the bubbles with his wand, and a picture of Logan and his new haircut:

Admitting it

OK, I am going to admit it and face reality: Logan's hair is thinning. We have started to notice more hairs on his clothes, and on the back of his little Lightning McQueen chair. I also ran my hand through it and came up with a few today. I was just hoping that his hair was laying flatter because it was a little longer and he wasn't as sweaty at night, but I think the reality is that there is not as much hair. Don't get me wrong, he still has a lot of hair right now, but who knows how much he will lose. It could just stay thinner, or it could all come out. Time will tell.

On another note, it is amazing the difference in his eating habits from a month ago. I can actually count the number of bites he puts in his mouth each day. And it is funny that today is a big appetite day for him.  So far he has had 4 small bites of a Pop Tart, a WHOLE chicken nugget, several french fries, a few bites of popcorn, a couple of chocolate chips, and a half of a fish stick. And we haven't even had dinner! What is the big deal you ask? This much food that he has eaten just today is equal to about as much as he had the previous three days combined. So, yes, I am happy and excited that he has had this much today (even if he does not eat anything else). He actually has asked for food several times. And he did a great job going to see a movie today.

Some good, some bad

There is not a lot new for us to report. That is good, because sometimes "no news is good news." Logan is just hanging tough. He is tired much of the time, and wears out quickly. This is not helped by the fact that he eats practically nothing, and does not drink much either. We are still having random puking episodes, but the good thing about him not eating is that there is not much to throw up. Not so messy, I guess. Taking the Zantac did not seem to help, and actually induced the vomiting once. So, we just plug along. Thankfully he did not have the headaches like the week before, so some of the precautions seemed to help. Logan has one more spinal tap/lumbar puncture for chemo this Friday, and then just the same oral chemo for 2 more weeks in this "Consolidation" phase. Then we wait to see if his blood work is good enough to pass him on to the next phase.

Thanks to Brenda for providing food for us last week, and Gail to bringing by Starbucks and just staying to chat awhile. And also thanks to Kim for bringing us dinner for tonight.

Changes

Logan is on day 46 of chemotherapy. It has been 7 weeks since we learned of his diagnosis. It has gone quick on one hand and seems like forever since this has been our reality on the other hand.

I feel like he is a different kid at times and he even looks different. Part of that could be that he just looks tired and mellow much of the time. He is just not the same kid, and I know that is to be expected. It just makes me sad. He is not as joyful and carefree. Before, he laughed a lot and loved to be tickled. He does not want us to tickle him now. I know that sounds trivial, but the giggle that came out when he was being tickled could improve your mood on any day. Logan is more timid and whiny right now. I know he does not feel great, and he has been through a lot in the last 7 weeks. I also know that we have been waiting on him and pampering him which is hard not to do. But he has gotten used to it, and now does not want to do anything for himself or do anything he does not choose/think of. His eyes always look sleepy, and he just does not have that energetic light in them. He occasionally just falls asleep on the couch. He still has a few extra pounds from all the food he ate during the first month when he was on the steroids, but at least he is back into the clothes that he temporarily outgrew. His lack of appetite seems so drastic when compared to last month, and at this rate he will lose those extra 4 pounds pretty quickly. Logan's hair seems to be laying different. This could be because he needs a haircut, or it could be getting thinner. I really can't tell if it is thinning, but I still don't see hair in the drain or on his pillow so that is encouraging.

Logan is doing a great job and taking it all in stride. Except for the medicine which is still a struggle, but we get through. He is extra sweet and affectionate at times, and super grumpy at other times. He finds ways to play without expending too much energy like swinging or driving his car. It is just so different than the never stop kid that we were accustomed to, and that is hard for us. The new normal is taking a bit of getting used to. And just as we get the hang of it, I will be going back to work in a little over 2 weeks. I have been so grateful for the timing of all this, and that I could spend the summer with him and coping with the first couple of months. But, school starts soon, and I will be working and Alexis will start 1st grade.

Let's try this

Logan had another lumbar puncture (spinal tap) today to put chemo into his spinal fluid. Since he had trouble with a headache and ensuing vomiting last week, they had us take a few more precautions. They gave him some fluids through his port after the procedure and also had him lay flat for about an hour instead of just 30 minutes. He tolerated this pretty well, and just stayed flat eating some cereal and drinking milk. I think it also helped that they gave him some extra sedatives before the procedure because he was a little squirmy last week. This week, he still did not like being held on his side in the fetal position (we heard him tell them "NO" loudly), but he tolerated it better and it helped him stay flat longer. The cereal that he ate this morning after the chemo was the most he has eaten in 2 days. He really has not been eating, and I think his stomach has been upset (he threw up again this morning). But, the doctors are having us give him some Zantac for a few days again to see if that helps. Hopefully all of these extra steps will help him feel better. One thing he loves right now is driving his battery-operated Francesco around the neighborhood.