Feeling better

Logan has been doing better, though he still has a residual cough. He has been sleeping much better and is not nearly as cranky. He is back to his normal routine, and this is good. His appetite fluctuates, and he has actually skipped dinner a couple of nights. Thankfully this has not led to him waking very early in the morning starving for breakfast. Logan has been on a cycle of big appetite and put on a pound or so when he is on steroids, then appetite tapers and he loses that weight by the start of the next cycle. That didn't really happen this month, but he is still holding his own. He is doing ok on taking his medicine, and is usually a trooper. Tuesday nights, however, are more of a challenge. This is the night that he takes a second chemo, methotrexate. And if it was just one pill, that would be fine, but he takes 10.5 of them. They are yellow, and apparently traumatizing. There is so much of the medicine that whatever I put it in becomes yellow. He does not like it, and it becomes this crazy struggle. I have tried applesauce and pudding, and those are vomit-inducing. I have tried crushing it fine enough and dissolving it, so that I can suck it up into the syringe and flavor it with grape or cherry syrup. Still yellow, still a struggle. I think it is mostly mental, but not sure how to get past that. Any suggestions are welcome. I will leave you with pictures of my handsome little man with all of his hair. We have had to trim the back and sides, but not the top yet.

Happy Mother's Day (a little late)

Well, obviously I did not get to this yesterday. Oh well. I was trying my best to enjoy a day with the family despite Logan having a cold and the dreary snow outside. Yes, that's right, snow in the middle of May. Anyway, we had a very nice Mother's Day, and I would like to extend a belated Happy Mother's Day to all of the moms out there reading this. From my own mom, and grandmother to my mother in law, and all the mothers in our family and outside of our family that support us. You are all appreciated and loved.

As Logan's mother, this past year has been a roller coaster of emotions, learning experiences, and new opportunities. I have met so many people that I would otherwise not have had the chance to meet. Many people in my life have shown us true support and love at our lowest times. As a mom, this year has been tough. To be honest, I thought I had "paid my dues" with a miscarriage and 2 tough pregnancies. I had always said that I was grateful to have two healthy kids, and was fortunate for that. Unfortunately, life does not work that way. There was more in store for our family. No one should have to be told that their child has cancer. No one should watch their baby go through the pokes, exams, treatments, not to mention the side effects. No one should have to worry on a daily basis if said treatments are working. No one.

Yet, I am so thankful. Thankful that Logan is fighting. Thankful that the treatments are working. Thankful that he is here with me. He is in remission. There is no better Mother's Day gift, than the gift of my children. It could be worse. There are so many other mothers out there that have lost or are losing their babies right now. I send my thoughts to them, and wish them strength. Strength that I hope to never muster up.

As I mentioned, Logan has a cold/virus/whatever. He has had a runny nose, and then a nasty cough last night. He has been a little sad and needy, and we kept him home today. He was supposed to go into the clinic for labs anyway today, but they had us come in earlier and have an exam too. I was a little worried about his numbers, but his ANC is 6000. This is really high, and reflects an elevated white blood cell count due to his body fighting the infection (cold). This is better than the alternative of his counts being super low and not being able to fight off the virus. So, we will take it.

Loganisms

Update: Logan had a rough week last week after his spinal chemo. He just did not feel himself, and seemed to have a slower recovery. His appetite was almost non-existent, even while taking the steroids. The typical steroid crankiness was in full effect though, and he was very needy/pitiful. He does seem to be feeling better now, though, and has more energy. (I just have to make sure I read his mind and have the right shirt, socks, underwear, etc clean and ready for him.) For some reason all of that reset his internal clock, and now he feels the need to wake up before 6am every day which is a little rough on us.

Now for the Loganisms. I try and include some of the funny things he says in this blog, but sometimes forget. Here are a few. Some are cute, some are funny, and some just drive home how much different our "normal" really is.

1. "You are the best mom I ever had" (he says a variation of this to everyone in the family, but I am writing this, so I put mom in)
2. "The bad guys are attacking my balls!"
3. "You're the best cooker in the whole wild world"
4. Me: "Logan, what do you want for lunch?"
    Logan: "Broccoli soup!" (what 3 year old boy says that?)
5. "When kids are small, they take chemo"

Here is a picture of Logan with his friends from Cherokee Trail. I took him last week to go and give out thank you cards. It gave him a big boost when he was not feeling well, so that helped too. We so much appreciate how those students and teachers have given back to our family and the community. It is so impressive to see such leadership and philanthropy. They even gave us a yearbook that the yearbook and leadership classes signed. There were two pages dedicated to Logan and the Wish Week. Very Cool, and he loved seeing all the pictures.

A few more thanks and an update

As I said, we have so many to thank that I could not include them all in the very long last post. I have a couple more people to thank due to that an some new deliveries since I wrote the last entry.

We received a second package from Cathy and her family coming from Oklahoma last week. It included a superhero cape for Logan and a tutu for Alexis made by Emmy's Heart. The kids loved it and the card attached. We appreciate all the support even from "strangers." I say it that way because I know they are not strangers to our loved ones, but they have not met us before. We do not really know them, yet they care so much. So, Thank you!

Also, Cathy, our daycare provider has supported us so much. She made the kids gifts at the very beginning and came to visit. She has also made her daycare home a safe environment for Logan to go. I know it is clean and she is making sure the kids are washing hands extra. She has even taken some extra precautions in asking the other families to keep Logan in mind when getting vaccines (ie live vs not live virus). Please keep Cathy and her family in your thoughts right now as they are having a family health crisis of their own.

As for the update: Logan went in last Friday for labs, and his ANC was down to 600. It surprised us because it was such a drop from last month. It is not in the concerning range, but they said he may be coming down with a cold or something. Then we went in Monday for chemo in his port and spinal fluid. It had been awhile since we had this procedure, so were a little out of the habit. But Logan did well. He was fine with not eating since we had let him know the night before. He even woke up and said "I don't eat breakfast today?" He did really well, and knew that he had food waiting for him when he was done with the spinal tap. He is funny when they sedate him, and does not know if he wants to laugh or cry. Of course, we prefer the laughing, and that is usually what he does more. Anyway, he made it through like a champ, and did well the rest of the day. He has done ok this week, just a little needy and not feeling his best. But, of course he powers through like the superstar he is.

Support Systems keep me going

You see and hear it everywhere: "You poor thing," "You are so strong," "Cancer Sucks" (I'm not gonna lie, that is truer than true), and you even see statistics about survival, relapse, secondary cancers, and even about how many marriages suffer as a result of having a child with cancer. We have joined this "club" referred to as cancer parents. Again, I would like to say "No, Thank You." But, we do not have that choice. No parent or family member of a child with cancer gets to make that choice. You only get to ask the question of "What's next?" or "What do we need to do?" If you are lucky, a proven course of treatment is laid out, and you follow it. If you are really lucky, it works. I am not a poor thing, and I am only strong when and because I have to be. That is something else that is not a choice. My son and my family need me. It is that simple. And, yes, cancer still sucks. It still gets to me sometimes. But not as much lately as it seems I have my son almost back to normal.

Through this situation, one thing has become apparent: I have a great support system. I am most thankful for Eric, my husband/Logan's dad. We support each other, and stick together through all of the frustrations. He cheers me up when I get sad, and celebrates with me during the happy times. I am not saying that all the stress of Logan's diagnosis has not taken it's toll on both of us, but we are hanging in there together. We try and make things normal for both kids, and lessen the impact on us as a family. And our daughter, Alexis, is always a bright spot ready to cheer any and all of us up if needed.

My parents have been wonderful. They were here for us within hours of my call telling them of Logan's diagnosis and they have been here whenever we needed them. I know that we don't talk as much as we used to, but I know they understand the hectic time we are in and respect that. Many of their friends are following us and helping from afar as much as they can. Eric's parents were also here very soon after the call, and they have been here when we needed them as well. They also have many friends and neighbors who are helping from afar. All this has allowed me to continue to work through Logan's treatment which is necessary for us to live and continue to have health benefits. We also appreciate that our families respected our need to be together as a small family after such a long time of having company through Logan's toughest part of treatment. We know it was hard to be away from us and the kids, but we needed the time to get back to "normal." Whatever that really is. Though, I do have to admit, it is possible to forget for time during the day that we are living with the shadow of cancer in our lives. We are reminded each and every day due to the frustrating dinner time routine and medicines, but we still play outside, do activities and have fun.

We are also thankful for our extended family that includes the kid's great grandparents (Big Granny and Big Papa), Rick who checks in from time to time, Uncle B, Aunt Nic and baby Emma, Aunt Linda and Uncle Al, Aunt Margie and Uncle Dale all of whom have either checked on us or sent care packages and/or cards. Our close friends and neighbors Candice, Seth and Weston, Christie, Autumn, Reegan, and Kodie, and Karyn, Bryn and Cam. I would be remiss if I did not mention the teachers, specialists, and others at Alexis' school who are supporting us and often watch her after school including Leigh, Emily, Pam, Beverly, Cindy, Carol, and many others who have provided meals, gift cards and words of encouragement. My teams at work are also supporting us and often asking how we are as well as the occasional gift card, home cooked meal, or words of encouragement. The parents of Alexis' soccer team have been so supportive and have given us so much. The Craic Addicts including Pam (again), Katie, Daelyn and Kris (and many others). There are so many other organizations that have sent us packages, items, and cards that we cannot include them all. And even the anonymous family that paid for our dinner at the restaurant during the holiday season.

I know that I have not included all who have given us support, love, etc. But you know who you are (even if you don't read this), and we thank you. You are so much appreciated, it is beyond words. Your kind acts have impacted our lives and will never be forgotten. I know this has been long, and I appreciate you reading to the end. I will leave you with a cute picture from the kids dying Easter eggs:

Little update

Well, I am sorry I have not updated in awhile. Logan has been doing so well, and we are staying very busy. He is, thankfully, staying healthy with  no runny noses, no fevers, nothing. Keep up the positive thoughts, prayers, and everything else because it is working!

We have been busy with Alexis' soccer practices (Logan can't wait to play this fall), games, a USA Women's national soccer game, yard work, playing with friends, occasional snow storms, and a visit from the grandparents. The kids have been having fun, and enjoying it all. They are also looking forward to a visit from Nene and Papa and Easter this weekend. Hopefully the weather will be nice, and we can do some egg hunting outside.

Logan has a clinic visit on the 25th for labs and then chemo with a spinal on the 28th which is a Monday. They changed his usual routine from Monday/Tuesday to Friday/Monday because of the doctor's schedule that week. It should not impact his schedule in the future, so no big deal.

Here are pictures from the USA women's soccer game, Logan checking out bugs in the yard with his buddy Weston, and all dressed up to go see Captain America (he was a hit). We are so thankful for his health and that he has felt up to doing all this.

Late chemo report

Logan went in Monday for labs, and his numbers looked great. He was so brave, and he did a great job. Then we went in for chemo on Tuesday. We built it up for him to be brave and not throw a fit/scream during the port access (aka Bob poke). So, we went in, and he did well during the preliminary parts of the visit. Then, the nurse came in, and accessed the port and flushed it. Then, the nurse tried to pull blood out of his port, and could not get any. Try as she might, no blood would come out. Thankfully, she did not try and poke again, but consulted another nurse. Together, they decided it was appropriately accessed because it was flushing and they did not try to poke him a second time. They went ahead and taped over the port and consulted the physician assistant. They explained that sometimes there is a clot at the end that makes the blood vessel stick to the line even though it flushes ok. So, they decided to inject some medication to open it up, and wait for a little while. It was opened in about 20 minutes, and then they were able to quickly finish the chemo and he was done.

The rest of the week has been pretty good, though he has been a little tired and wanted to snuggle (no protests here). He is doing well on the steroids so far, and is taking his medicine with no major issues. He is certainly a trooper, and we are so proud. Here he is a little frustrated at chemo, and then a little happier: