Ups and Downs

As I have said before, we are feeling more optimistic. But this is still the scariest thing I have ever faced, and it is an emotional roller coaster. I tend to stay away from Google, because it can scare the living daylights out of me giving worst case scenarios. Lately there have been headlines about cutting edge treatments, but again these are used as last ditch efforts. I hope to never be in that place. I read an article about a girl relapsing, and then doing OK after more intensive chemo. It is good to know that there is a place to go if the first treatment does not work. But I am putting all of my eggs in the "this is going to work" basket. But when my mind was wandering today to that scary place of "what if it doesn't work?" Logan was right there in front of me ready to give me a hug. His little arms around me at that moment seemed to open the flood gates. I usually am able to keep it together and not cry in front of him, but could not stop this time. That has happened only one other time, and that was in the hospital the day after he was diagnosed and I called my mom to tell her. That time, I thought Logan was sleeping, but when he heard me crying, he started telling me "It's OK mommy, don't cry." Today it was the same. He just kept telling me "It's OK, don't cry Mommy." He even pulled back, put his hand on my cheek and gave me a kiss. My strong, brave little man gives me strength, and I am thankful for all that I can get.