How I am doing, update

Like I said in the New Concepts posting I am trying to be more honest about how we are really doing and handling all of this. It is a struggle. I still have a hard time saying that Logan has "cancer." For some reason, the word Leukemia is less difficult for me, but saying Cancer is harder. Even typing that and thinking it was difficult. I still don't want it to be true, and if I could opt out of this situation, then I definitely would. But that is not our reality.

With that being said, we really are doing better. I am not just saying that because it is my instinct to be positive. I am not a complainer, and I do try and stay positive or put a positive spin on things. That is harder in this situation. But currently, I am not lying or covering up when I tell people that we are doing OK. All things considered, we are doing well. I am trying not to feel guilty about this. It is strange because I feel weird for not constantly wanting to cry or having that crushing feeling in the pit of my stomach. Am I still devastated by this situation? Yes. But I think I am coping and dealing with it in my own way. Eric too. We have tried to gather as much information so that we are well informed and know what to do next. This is all the control we have right now.

I think the turning point for us was the day that we heard the good news about Logan not having the marker that can negatively impact prognosis and also that his body is responding to treatment. We shed some tears of relief, and then started to feel more optimistic. Not exactly like we can see the "light at the end of the tunnel," but more like "we can do this." It is a long course of treatment, but it is already working. Am I going to worry about all the things I cannot control? Yes. I will wonder if the treatment will continue to work, and he will go into remission and stay there. Even when this treatment is over, I am sure I am going to always wonder if it will come back. I will probably just be waiting for that to happen for awhile, but since that is not something under my control I will try and let go of that stress (for the most part).

I am still not my usual self. I am more organized in some areas, but less so in others. If it has anything to do with Logan's appointments or our daily schedule, then I am on top of it. If it pertains to keeping germs at bay, no problem. But when I make a grocery list and go to the store, I forget important things. I even forget some of the things we get almost every week. Five o'clock rolls around, and I haven't even thought about what's for dinner. Not that we eat at 5, but I usually have something in mind and am ready to start it. This is not me, and it makes me even more appreciative of people bringing food and Gail for organizing this.

So, we are doing better. We are still holding our breath and not making plans for anything beyond the next couple of weeks. We want the results of his bone marrow test on July 5th, so that we know the "roadmap" for his next phase of treatment.

Here is a video of our little Superman with his cape flying behind him on the swing.