Good results

Logan was a champ at clinic today. I was worried about how he would do, because he has been needy and whining a lot lately. He told me he did not want to go in for a Bob poke and chemo, and seemed to think this would get him out of it. But when he realized that it was inevitable, he was fine. He did great through the poke, and then ate a good lunch while waiting for the lab results. Thanks to Eric for bringing us lunch. After the results came in, they pushed the chemo through his port (giving Bob a drink). Then they took out the needle and we were done. Pretty quick considering that we had to wait for the lab results and then wait for the pharmacy to send up the chemo.

Logan's ANC was 2600, which is a little higher than the range they keep it in. But they did not adjust any of his medicines since they think it may still be up from Logan being sick a couple of weeks ago. Not that the number is "bad" it is just closer to that normal range than the treatment protocol dictates. Let me just say that his good numbers were a relief to me. No matter how irrational it may be, I had convinced myself that they were going to tell me he had relapsed. I don't know why. I was worried. Maybe it is that he has been extra needy and whiny as I mentioned before. Maybe it is the dark circles under his eyes in the past few days. Maybe it is just the memories of this time from last year haunting me. Maybe it is seeing stories of others lately who have relapsed (even though they have different cancers than Logan). Maybe I am just irrational, but I was bracing myself. Thankfully I did not hear that news today. It was a good day, even a great day. Logan is healthy and I am so grateful.

Tomorrow is Alexis' last day of school, and one day closer to putting this past year behind us. Seven more days until it is truly behind us. There is much to be happy about and celebrate. Here are a couple of pictures of Logan in his new favorite pose:

Made it through the month

Logan has had a bit of a tough month recovering from his last spinal and IV chemos, but we made it to the next one. Tomorrow he goes in for IV chemo and starts his week of steroids. We are going in early and they will draw labs and do everything at once instead of spreading it out over two days. Usually he goes in for a finger poke one day and then back the next day for chemo.

We have had a really nice long weekend, and the kids even slept in a tent in the living room last night (see picture below). We went camping over Memorial Day weekend last year, but did not this year so we compromised. I look back to that trip last year, and we knew something was up with Logan. When he would normally be running around with his friend and sister, playing in the dirt and having fun, he just sat in a chair most of the time. Friends even made comments about it seeming odd.

Anyway, what a difference a year makes. Logan even had so much fun playing in the water table today despite the clouds moving in and making it cool (see other picture). Looking forward to this last week of work for me before summer break, and then having the kids home with me this summer. Wish us luck for chemo, and good vibes for his lab work. I am not sure what it will look like tomorrow. He has seemed like he does not feel great, has some dark circles under his eyes and has been complaining about headaches. Not sure what that is about, but they seem short lived and then he is going crazy and silly (great to see).

16 more days

Sixteen days from today will mark the one year anniversary of Logan's diagnosis. It is a strange feeling coming up on this date. There are things to celebrate: the end of another school year, our wedding anniversary, summer is almost here, and with it comes more time with the kids and family. But this "anniversary" is not something that we want to celebrate. I look back on this time last year, and think about the symptoms I was overlooking. Logan was cranky, which is not the norm for him. He was not eating much, again unusual. He was not his usual active self. He even avoided jumping and activities like that, saying "I can't," or "I'm not strong." And then, the fevers started. They would come and go, with no apparent reason. If you want to know more, you can refer back to How it all began. Thankfully, once I did call the doctor, she figured it out immediately and we were admitted to Children's that night. It is crazy and emotional to look back to that day. I remember details from the entire day, and I am sure I will never forget. I still feel that this day was the worst day of our lives. These as tough for even me to read, but that is what we were going through at the time. I am not sure how we will mark this day that is coming, but I know one thing. We will choose to celebrate all the positives instead of dwelling on the trials that we have been through this past year. (Though a recap may be coming as well)

Feeling better

Logan has been doing better, though he still has a residual cough. He has been sleeping much better and is not nearly as cranky. He is back to his normal routine, and this is good. His appetite fluctuates, and he has actually skipped dinner a couple of nights. Thankfully this has not led to him waking very early in the morning starving for breakfast. Logan has been on a cycle of big appetite and put on a pound or so when he is on steroids, then appetite tapers and he loses that weight by the start of the next cycle. That didn't really happen this month, but he is still holding his own. He is doing ok on taking his medicine, and is usually a trooper. Tuesday nights, however, are more of a challenge. This is the night that he takes a second chemo, methotrexate. And if it was just one pill, that would be fine, but he takes 10.5 of them. They are yellow, and apparently traumatizing. There is so much of the medicine that whatever I put it in becomes yellow. He does not like it, and it becomes this crazy struggle. I have tried applesauce and pudding, and those are vomit-inducing. I have tried crushing it fine enough and dissolving it, so that I can suck it up into the syringe and flavor it with grape or cherry syrup. Still yellow, still a struggle. I think it is mostly mental, but not sure how to get past that. Any suggestions are welcome. I will leave you with pictures of my handsome little man with all of his hair. We have had to trim the back and sides, but not the top yet.

Happy Mother's Day (a little late)

Well, obviously I did not get to this yesterday. Oh well. I was trying my best to enjoy a day with the family despite Logan having a cold and the dreary snow outside. Yes, that's right, snow in the middle of May. Anyway, we had a very nice Mother's Day, and I would like to extend a belated Happy Mother's Day to all of the moms out there reading this. From my own mom, and grandmother to my mother in law, and all the mothers in our family and outside of our family that support us. You are all appreciated and loved.

As Logan's mother, this past year has been a roller coaster of emotions, learning experiences, and new opportunities. I have met so many people that I would otherwise not have had the chance to meet. Many people in my life have shown us true support and love at our lowest times. As a mom, this year has been tough. To be honest, I thought I had "paid my dues" with a miscarriage and 2 tough pregnancies. I had always said that I was grateful to have two healthy kids, and was fortunate for that. Unfortunately, life does not work that way. There was more in store for our family. No one should have to be told that their child has cancer. No one should watch their baby go through the pokes, exams, treatments, not to mention the side effects. No one should have to worry on a daily basis if said treatments are working. No one.

Yet, I am so thankful. Thankful that Logan is fighting. Thankful that the treatments are working. Thankful that he is here with me. He is in remission. There is no better Mother's Day gift, than the gift of my children. It could be worse. There are so many other mothers out there that have lost or are losing their babies right now. I send my thoughts to them, and wish them strength. Strength that I hope to never muster up.

As I mentioned, Logan has a cold/virus/whatever. He has had a runny nose, and then a nasty cough last night. He has been a little sad and needy, and we kept him home today. He was supposed to go into the clinic for labs anyway today, but they had us come in earlier and have an exam too. I was a little worried about his numbers, but his ANC is 6000. This is really high, and reflects an elevated white blood cell count due to his body fighting the infection (cold). This is better than the alternative of his counts being super low and not being able to fight off the virus. So, we will take it.

Loganisms

Update: Logan had a rough week last week after his spinal chemo. He just did not feel himself, and seemed to have a slower recovery. His appetite was almost non-existent, even while taking the steroids. The typical steroid crankiness was in full effect though, and he was very needy/pitiful. He does seem to be feeling better now, though, and has more energy. (I just have to make sure I read his mind and have the right shirt, socks, underwear, etc clean and ready for him.) For some reason all of that reset his internal clock, and now he feels the need to wake up before 6am every day which is a little rough on us.

Now for the Loganisms. I try and include some of the funny things he says in this blog, but sometimes forget. Here are a few. Some are cute, some are funny, and some just drive home how much different our "normal" really is.

1. "You are the best mom I ever had" (he says a variation of this to everyone in the family, but I am writing this, so I put mom in)
2. "The bad guys are attacking my balls!"
3. "You're the best cooker in the whole wild world"
4. Me: "Logan, what do you want for lunch?"
    Logan: "Broccoli soup!" (what 3 year old boy says that?)
5. "When kids are small, they take chemo"

Here is a picture of Logan with his friends from Cherokee Trail. I took him last week to go and give out thank you cards. It gave him a big boost when he was not feeling well, so that helped too. We so much appreciate how those students and teachers have given back to our family and the community. It is so impressive to see such leadership and philanthropy. They even gave us a yearbook that the yearbook and leadership classes signed. There were two pages dedicated to Logan and the Wish Week. Very Cool, and he loved seeing all the pictures.

A few more thanks and an update

As I said, we have so many to thank that I could not include them all in the very long last post. I have a couple more people to thank due to that an some new deliveries since I wrote the last entry.

We received a second package from Cathy and her family coming from Oklahoma last week. It included a superhero cape for Logan and a tutu for Alexis made by Emmy's Heart. The kids loved it and the card attached. We appreciate all the support even from "strangers." I say it that way because I know they are not strangers to our loved ones, but they have not met us before. We do not really know them, yet they care so much. So, Thank you!

Also, Cathy, our daycare provider has supported us so much. She made the kids gifts at the very beginning and came to visit. She has also made her daycare home a safe environment for Logan to go. I know it is clean and she is making sure the kids are washing hands extra. She has even taken some extra precautions in asking the other families to keep Logan in mind when getting vaccines (ie live vs not live virus). Please keep Cathy and her family in your thoughts right now as they are having a family health crisis of their own.

As for the update: Logan went in last Friday for labs, and his ANC was down to 600. It surprised us because it was such a drop from last month. It is not in the concerning range, but they said he may be coming down with a cold or something. Then we went in Monday for chemo in his port and spinal fluid. It had been awhile since we had this procedure, so were a little out of the habit. But Logan did well. He was fine with not eating since we had let him know the night before. He even woke up and said "I don't eat breakfast today?" He did really well, and knew that he had food waiting for him when he was done with the spinal tap. He is funny when they sedate him, and does not know if he wants to laugh or cry. Of course, we prefer the laughing, and that is usually what he does more. Anyway, he made it through like a champ, and did well the rest of the day. He has done ok this week, just a little needy and not feeling his best. But, of course he powers through like the superstar he is.